It's Time, Almost

Well I leave on my holiday in two days!

Everything is planned and penciled in now and im at my last day of work today, as it looks like anyway, i will return from this holiday and straight into my new job, assuming the security clearance passes!

My mate who im traveling with left today, lucky bastard! But ill meet up with him in Anaheim on thursday and the holiday will begin!

Highlights of the upcoming trip are-

• Disneyland Resort (I truly am a geek, This will be my second Disney resort in 6 months! What can i say it's my "Laughing Place"
• Ice Hockey Game (Ducks Vs Sharks this Saturday) this is about the only sport i have ever been slightly interested in.
• Taping of Chelsea Lately
  
• Vegas with my mates
• Grand Canyon
• New York, My second favorite city in the world, a week of soaking it in, Broadway (i think i have nailed down my choices, thanks Austin and Todd!)
  
• Driving to DC to NYC
  
• Washington DC, this is my forth trip to the states thought it was time i checked out your history.
• Catching up with Ezra
• Spending two days on the Set of a movie. (My friends best friend is an actor and he landed the leading role in a new big comic book movie coming out in 2011 so were catching up with him and hanging out with him at work for those last couple of days.. you should be able to figure out who this is by looking up Aussie actor comic book movie and 2011 :-p)
  
• Shopping! (Thank goodness the Aussie $$$ is fairing much better then 2 months ago against the US$$$)
  
• RELAXING!
  

I doubt i will be updating this blog till the end of October but if you are interested in how im doing photos etc. feel free to add me on Face book. I decided to be less unknown on this blog and added the FB Badge.... Step by little Step.

One

We were sitting having a late dinner discussing my upcoming trip. Specifically my mate I'm traveling with, who is also gay.

My mate I was eating with was making a joke that i should watch my back while traveling to make sure my friend wouldn't make any moves on me.

I laughed it off saying I'm sure this wouldn't be a problem! The conversation veered to homosexuality, and him not being able to get his head around being attracted to another guy and he just assumes that they are attracted to all guys. Me trying to explain to him, in a round about way without shedding light on myself being gay, that it works the same as him being attracted to women, "Your not attracted to all women right? It's the same thing!"

Well the talk continued and his lack of understanding it came into discussion. "I guess i just don't get how it works, men, at a primitive level, want to create/procreate. Two dudes can't do that"

Well, i tried explaining this without disclosing my self, but it seemed stupid and pointless. At this point I gave up, and spoke directly. "Look, You are just born this way. I'm Gay and i can tell you i have NEVER been attracted to women, I don't find all guys attractive..."

I wasn't expecting to do it, but I finally came out to a friend from Church. He took it great. He did say he still stands to his not understanding on a primitive level, which i explained I wish i could have an awnser for you, but i can tell you i have always been this way and the primitive urge to pro-create isn't there.

I was really impressed with his reaction, and making it a non issue. He is still the same friend to me as he was 5 mins before telling him. He didn't lay any church on me about it, instead was intrigued about who i found hot, who knew, would i tell my parents, how i think they would take it etc.

He rid all the fears i had on coming out to any church friends.

I hope all my church mates will be like this.

I GOT IT!!

I got a new job!

I'll be working for the US Consulate General's Office in Melbourne*

*Pending security and medical check

Its a position as a Visa Clerk, and will be starting just after i get back from America! The good olde US of A government seems like a good employer great remuneration, both Australian and American public holidays and plenty of annual leave!

Very Excited!!

Confidence

I lack it,
I wish i didn't but its one shell im having trouble breaking!

I don't really know why. It makes me very shy in large groups of people i don't know. Even online it gets me i rarely start a conversation on face book, I start to think, there probably busy, what if they don't want to chat? Insane I know.

Even when people approach me. I have lost about 37kg in the last 18 months and, especially at church, i get complimented. As soon as they say something i say thanks, then will always say something like "Just a few more kg and ill be done" Why can't i just take a compliment and be happy? I don't know.

I think it has to do with spending most of my life, bar the last few years, hiding so much of myself. I've always tried to deflect attention on myself, in fears of being found out to be the gay kid. Tried to blend in with everyone else's views, thoughts, opinions the list could go on.

Coming out slowly but surley has helped definatly. I'm not nearly as shy as i once was, working with the public got me out of my shell quick. Following that my thoughts have been coming out too, everyone now knows the disgusting humor i have, the love for just horrible pop music.

Still though anyone complimenting me makes me uncomferatble. I just can't figure out why?? Is it from growing up as the fat kid? Being the gay closet kid growing up? Church drilling us with how horrible pride is?

And how do i break this?

I have come along way the past few years, and love where i am in life i have the greatest friends i am 99.9% myself now, and the weight on my back of hiding is gone. Just this one last shell to break.

Twenty-Five

I'm 25 years old and this is my 25th blog entry, 25 random things about me-

1- My first memory of being gay was when i was eight. I loved the movie Home Alone, I thought Macaulay Culkin was awesome. I watched that movie about 10 times on holiday and distinctively remember a dream where were were hanging out as best friends and even held hands.

2- I can recite the narration to the stretching room scene in The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.

3- In a week i have gone from knowing very little about True Blood to becoming hooked and watching season 1 and all the shown episodes of season 2. The similarities on how vampires are treated in it to the way gays are is interesting to see.

4- I have a second interview for a new job at the US Consulate this week

5- I rarely get depressed, but when i do, it hits me like a car, and sticks around for a while.

6- I wish i could dance.

7- I never realized how much i listen to Musicals until i looked at my Top 25 played songs in itunes. 15 of them are from musicals, you have to get to number 7 for the first non-musical.

8- I seem to not be able to get through a day at work without involuntarily saying "Thats what she said" to something my boss says.

9- Vegimite on toast is the greatest breakfast in the world.

10- While in the laundry with my mum, checking my pockets for rubbish i pulled out a condom wrapper. Im still hoping her eye sight is crap without her glasses.

11- After coming out to a friend a while ago my friend asked allot of questions including whether i would prefer to be "Heath" or "Jake"... I still find that the funniest/greatest way to ask such a question.

12- I haven't stopped listing to the soundtracks for West Side Story and In the Heights this week.

13- I hate Perez Hilton, but read his website. Anyone who manages to "report" and draw sperm on peoples faces brings out the 12 year old in me.

14- I have to sleep with music on. If it's silent i think and stay awake for hours.

15- I have come so far in my coming out, but when my family brings up the lack of a girlfriend i feel so uncomfortable, yet I'm too chicken shit to just tell them I'm gay, until i move out.

16- One of the best and gayest nights of my life was a Kylie Minogue Concert.

17- I have come out to almost all my non-church friends, it would have been all of them except for a lack of seeing some.

18- Channing Tatum is hot.

19- I think in a world where women and men should be equal that the word cock should be as equally offensive as cunt, for equal rights sake :-p

20- I watch too much TV. If a show I get into a show too much while watching it, i start to think i know these people.

21- Any doubts i had of being gay were obliterated when i was 16 and with Reece.

22- I enjoy exercising. Its time with me and Music my head is the clearest in these times.

23- A third of my DVD collection can be attributed to 3am trips with friends to 24 hour K-Mart.

24- My biggest flaw is my lack of confidence.

25- Im' 26 on the 22nd Nov. And will not be living at home. I kept that goal.

What to See...

I figure I would rely on stereotypes here....

Im spending a week in New york in October. I'm already seeing Mary Poppins, as I have loved the movie since I was a kid. Now my mate is meeting me and my other mate in NY and spending the rest of the trip with us.

He really wants to catch something on broadway while he's there, to say he's done it. Honestly If i was on my own i would proberly catch something every night of the week, I do love a musical. He would like to see a classic, so we might catch Phantom, which he has seen already years ago in Melbourne.

So I'm looking at what will be on and cannot decide on what to go see. So does anyone have any experience with any of the following musicals-

This was just in Melbourne, and i wasn't sure about it. I have never sat through the whole movie. But Elton John is a genius with musicals.. Just look at The Lion King

I have never seen Phantom, but Josh has. Does the NY version have the updated chandelier scene that i know Vegas has?

This is on in Melbourne at the moment, would be cheaper in NY, don't know much about it through

Wicked is Just wrapping up Melbourne and i saw it twice last year, but it is brilliant. Not sure if i can convince Josh to see it.

Chicago is just starting in Melbourne but would be better on the great white way i think. I love the movie, never seen the musical.

Ragtime, i have never heard of. It sounds like a revival and i know my mate was looking to see a classic.

Hair i know nothing about except one act ends in mass nudity :-p

West Side Story. Always been intrigued by. Never seen though, any good?

In The Heights. I know this one a tony award in the last few years. Know nothing beyond that.

South Pacific. Classic broadway i know, but i'm not too sure about it.

I know there are a few more show on Like Avenue Q, Lion King, Little Mermaid, Shrek. However i've either seen them or not interested. (I Really can't get my head around Shrek as a musical)

Even any plays out at the moment worth seeing? We were hoping "Mormon Musical" By the creators of South Park would be on but alas, no such luck

So anyone got any suggestions?

All's quiet on the Southern front.

I'm lazy. I wish i wrote on here more.

But i really can't think of anything meaningful to write about.

Life's great, My quick trip to Tokyo was amazing and should hold off the urge to go back for at least a year :-p Now all my focus is getting all the final bits in line for my USA trip in October. And on a particularly gay note, Britney is finally touring Australia and i tickets :-p

I'm moving out of home as soon as i get back from America in October with some great friends who know me for me and encourage me to be myself. I'm really looking forward to this new part of life, being more responsible and living in a place where i am fully myself.

Church over here seems allot more sedated then what i read about in America. I can only recall anything about gay marriage being brought up once at church it was in past, and it was the Bishop. And all he did was bring it up in a string of other issues in the world at this time. It's just not a topic that is brought up. I guess thats a good and bad thing, on one hand it's nice not to have to witness some of the hate filled talk i have read going on in America. But in a way it seems like it will be a ticking bomb for Australia and once it bursts I'm hopeful for a better attitude then what the US have experienced, but in ways Australia's still in the 80's/90's when it comes to Homosexuality.

I'm luck with my family though Mum always sticks up for gay rights in the most part, she has always supported her sister, who is gay. I remember Mum always saying my Aunts girlfriend was just like another siblings partner a part of the family who we loved. I'm so grateful for mum instilling this loving attitude in raising me. I have never had many of the problems others have had growing up. The extreme depression, fear, and urge to get rid of my sexuality. I honestly think my Mum is the reason for this. And for that i am so grateful to have been blessed to such an amazing mother.

Reading blogs and reading other's struggles always hurst me and makes me so sad that so many have had to go through so many trials, I never had to endure. I wish i could help them. I realize how luck i am, and need to remember this more often and not bitch about my past, where i was a lucky one, in comparison to so many.

All the blogs that I read have helped me in so many ways that i could never fully explain. looking back over the last 9 months, the growth i have seen in my life and maturity, you have all played a part in making me a better person, And i cannot thank you all enough.

I'll try to write more often, as this feeling i have now, of peace, i forgot that i get this after blogging.

Peace.

Prepare to be Freaked

This ad has been on tv allot the past couple of weeks and is freaking me out! Pretty messed up but very very clever.

I'm worried the nightmares will come soon, i live around the corner from the Cadbury Factory and have visions of hundreds of line works doing this perfectly in sync while packing chocolate