:)

So i really do neglect this blog..

But great News.

My Boyfriend took me to Bali for our 1st Aniversary in May... And I Proposed and he said yes.

Were getting Married! :-D

Sigh

Im Retarded.

60th

I was speaking with my Mum yesterday, and we had an amazing chat and she asked me some very interesting things…. However,


This one gesture of love turned her entire day around… from a sad, mournful day, to a fantastic day.

The person responsible for this has an amazing effect on people, most of all me. I might just be the luckiest guy in the world to be with him.

Happiness

I know its all TV but this always makes me beam a big goofy smile-

They are my favourite TV couple.... I'm so glad i have found my "Jim" :)

And so it is…

Well it’s been a while were to start..

Since I last bothered to write on here, life has changed a bit.

I have the most amazing boyfriend, Sam. We have been together no for 4 months and he makes me ridiculously happy and I love him. Things between us are going great and seem to be headed for an epic future together, and I will stop there as I'm sure he will read this and don’t want to embarrass him interwebs style.

Naturally with my openness of our relationship to everyone in my life the church caught wind of it all and the Bishop finally tracked me down and we had a chat. Basically he wanted to know where I'm at how long I have felt this way and basically put down that I had to chose a “path” So basically I'm on the short path to excommunication from the church.

This isn’t really a problem for me as I have never really taken in any of the church’s teachings as I have been aware of who I am from a young age so I think on some level I knew this was coming eventually.

Still it is a bit weird to have something that has been in my life for 27 years suddenly being taken away, not a bad thing though, just I dunno different. Still If it always came down in life to choosing who I am and who the church wants me to be, the first wins, EVERY time.

I was discussing with Sam the other night that I'm thinking of just sending a letter of resignation into the church asking form my name to be removed from the records, kinda like beating them to the punch really. I really don’t want to be associated with an organization that stands for such hate against the person I am, simply because I'm who I am. So I think I will draft up the letter and send it off this week. I want to make it clear why I am leaving, that it isn’t directed at anyone personally but at the church’s teachings of intolerance and hate for me.

And so it all begins… :-)

It's Been a While

April 11th seems so far away now.

A couple of things have happened since then in my life changing it forever

- My Dad Suddenly collapsed on May 7th and Died on May 9th. He was 59 Yrs old.

- I realised how much i loved my dad and cared for him, when he was alive i honestly was never close to him and didn't think i would miss him. I miss him everyday.

- I have told everyone i wanted to tell myself that I'm Gay. Job Done.

- I have dated since April 11th and have been enjoying all that comes with that, the dinners the getting to know someone else the connections the misfires. It grows you.

I don't know if im ready to write about Dad yet, But i will say this. I Love the people of the Church. They came together and supported our family in the hardest times and carried us with no judgement just love. They have helped my Mum get by and The sense of community in the church really has shone. I will always remember that.

And... On a lighter note- My Friend has convinced me to get Twitter, Add me! Im looking quite pitiful at the moment with no followers, the username is bigglesworth003 :p

Housewife

If my heart could write songs it would sound like this.

I Think I Have a problem....

I now own 13 pairs of sneakers...

5 Pairs of Nike Air Force 1's

4 Pairs of Nikes

2 Pairs of Chucks

1 Pair of Pumas

1 Pair of UNIQLO Shoes

I Just got back from Tokyo with 4 new pairs bringing it to the 13 i have now. Clearly Nike Air Forces are my drug of choice. In Shibuya, Tokyo there is a little store that only sells limited edition Air Force 1's so i ended up getting these two-

I swear i can quit anytime i want....

"So Where were you for 9/11?"

Hi there, yes i am still around.

Well i have been a busy guy the past month and a bit and am wondering when i will get a breather, but its all good life is going swimmingly, thanks for asking. Get comfy i have a feeling this could be a long one... (With every bone in my body i am stopping my self from writing Thats what...)

Where oh where to begin....

Well just after my september blog, I left on an epic trip across America. Now this was my forth trip to the USA in the past 7 years so i didn't plan too much, compared to previous trips. This was an EXCELLENT idea. I went with a mate who had been before and we also met up with another friend who came along with us for the last 10 days. This was the best holiday i have ever had, being with two of my best friends, being ourselves was relaxing, and fun. It defiantly made me realise allot of things in my life and show me how happy i am where im at right now. A few highlights-

-Disneyland, my happy place. It never gets old. And going my Josh, who had never been was awesome, he was like taking a 6 year old for the first time

-Vegas! So this was the first time i'd been here were i was over 21 and not with family... allot of crazy times were had in true vegas style and i saw Zumanity. If you go to vegas and arn't easily offended by sexuality check out Zumanity AMAZING and HOT!

-New York. The greatest city in the world.. (well with Tokyo) A week here was phenomenal. I never get tired of this city.

Shows, Saw allot of shows (A Tip of the hat to the great Austin and Todd for the awesome suggestions) I ended up seeing West Side Story, In the Heights, Mary Poppins, God of Carnage. In the heights is my new favourite musical it was amazing and i connected to it from the get go. West Side Story was great a classic, and Mary Popping was magical. God of Carnage is the best play i have ever seen the cast was brilliant and the story fascinating and hilarious!

-So Gay, Me and my mate saw Naked Boys Singing, yes it was the gayest thing i have done in public. It was really funny though and a great view. Google it to find out more.

-The Museum of Sex- Josh met up with us and we discovered a block from the hotel a museum we could enjoy. A real eye opener and sure we were like 10 year olds looking at a playboy giggling but had a great time.

-The Upright Citizens Brigade, I will say this ASSSSCAT sunday nights at the UCB theatre is the funniest thing i have ever been too. the first improve opened- A lady at a bar stirring her drink with her straw goes up to a guy, her pickup line "So Where were you for 9/11" We knew it was going to be a great night. Google it and make sure you do it while in NY you won't be disappointed. The improve group changes all the time with SNL, 30 Rock, Daily Show regulars. We had Rob Riggle from the Daily Show and Bobby Moynihan from SNL and a few others they were so funny i have never laughed so much in a 90min space.

-David Letterman and Chelsea Lately, got to go to tapings of both were great and Chelsea signed my book :p

-Road trip, We drove LA to Vegas and New York to DC were both a blast great times to see the weirdest shit and just relax and talk shit with your friends. We stopped in at Six Flags in Jersey and me and Paul rode Kingda Ka the tallest and fastest Coaster in the world, I didn't crap myself!

-DC, what a beautiful city with so much to see. This was the first time id been there will defiantly be back.

-The international Spy Museum, Ok so you want to relive your childhood (ok and adult) dreams of being a spy, go hear so interesting and FUN! the consensus was it is the best museum we had been to period.

SO in short (well not really but what ever) We had such a great time, Great friends, great conversation, and great memories, and not too many headache filled mornings :) My Mates Paul and Josh i proberly am in debt to them for life, they are amazing friends who have helped me in life more then they will proberly ever know. There the greatest bro's i never had.

Well Since getting home i have started my new job, which i love, great people to work with and really interesting field of work.

All i grew up and moved out of home 3 weeks after returning. I am now living with my friends Josh (Yes the dude i travelled with) and Erin. Moving out has been a long time coming. I almost feel bad that i just haven't missed living at home since i left a month ago but im loving my own space and being able to be myself. Ex and Josh are the best people to live with so i have lucked out of late and am loving life out on my own.

I was out with mum at costco the other day and she asked me if i still wanted to teach (I teach in primary, she is the primary pres.) I just told her no, i think she knew already and the best thing is she didn't care, I do have the best mum. I really am struggling to find the reasoning of going to church now that im not living at home, I was really only going to keep the peace round the house. Now i don't have too why bother.

Im planning on telling my parents in the next month... But how is whats killing me. I'm thinking of telling mum and letting her deal with Dad. Mum i honestly don't think will have an issue with it im pretty sure she knows and she is the best has always said she would just want us happy with who ever we love. Dad i don't see going well and as cruel as it sounds, i don't feel the need to tell him directly as we have never been too close, (no ones fault, well... proberly a little mine i guess... but thats for another time) I'm thinking of telling Mum just before Christmas as they are of to my Aunts in Queensland for Christmas, and Mum's family aren't members and her other sister will be there and shes a lesbian, I think they might be the best people to have them going to after i drop the G News :)

And with them it will really be everyone told I would be effectively 100% out. Kinda cool i think, Looking back i have come leaps in the past year. Yay!

In case i don't write again before The Season-

Thanks to all of you. You might not know it as i don't comment much, am a bit she and don't talk, but your blogs, talks, and comments have helped save me and helped me to where i am today Love you all.

Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, A tip top Tebt, Crazy Kwanzaa and a solemn and dignified Rhamadah.

OH! and HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!!

Easy Answers

In all lead ups to the intimate moments in life i really wish you could just send your perspective "mate" one of the following songs, in lieu of the awkward towards the end of the date/night....

Or..



Or..

I swear i will do a real blog update soon.

B.

It's Time, Almost

Well I leave on my holiday in two days!

Everything is planned and penciled in now and im at my last day of work today, as it looks like anyway, i will return from this holiday and straight into my new job, assuming the security clearance passes!

My mate who im traveling with left today, lucky bastard! But ill meet up with him in Anaheim on thursday and the holiday will begin!

Highlights of the upcoming trip are-

• Disneyland Resort (I truly am a geek, This will be my second Disney resort in 6 months! What can i say it's my "Laughing Place"
• Ice Hockey Game (Ducks Vs Sharks this Saturday) this is about the only sport i have ever been slightly interested in.
• Taping of Chelsea Lately
  
• Vegas with my mates
• Grand Canyon
• New York, My second favorite city in the world, a week of soaking it in, Broadway (i think i have nailed down my choices, thanks Austin and Todd!)
  
• Driving to DC to NYC
  
• Washington DC, this is my forth trip to the states thought it was time i checked out your history.
• Catching up with Ezra
• Spending two days on the Set of a movie. (My friends best friend is an actor and he landed the leading role in a new big comic book movie coming out in 2011 so were catching up with him and hanging out with him at work for those last couple of days.. you should be able to figure out who this is by looking up Aussie actor comic book movie and 2011 :-p)
  
• Shopping! (Thank goodness the Aussie $$$ is fairing much better then 2 months ago against the US$$$)
  
• RELAXING!
  

I doubt i will be updating this blog till the end of October but if you are interested in how im doing photos etc. feel free to add me on Face book. I decided to be less unknown on this blog and added the FB Badge.... Step by little Step.

One

We were sitting having a late dinner discussing my upcoming trip. Specifically my mate I'm traveling with, who is also gay.

My mate I was eating with was making a joke that i should watch my back while traveling to make sure my friend wouldn't make any moves on me.

I laughed it off saying I'm sure this wouldn't be a problem! The conversation veered to homosexuality, and him not being able to get his head around being attracted to another guy and he just assumes that they are attracted to all guys. Me trying to explain to him, in a round about way without shedding light on myself being gay, that it works the same as him being attracted to women, "Your not attracted to all women right? It's the same thing!"

Well the talk continued and his lack of understanding it came into discussion. "I guess i just don't get how it works, men, at a primitive level, want to create/procreate. Two dudes can't do that"

Well, i tried explaining this without disclosing my self, but it seemed stupid and pointless. At this point I gave up, and spoke directly. "Look, You are just born this way. I'm Gay and i can tell you i have NEVER been attracted to women, I don't find all guys attractive..."

I wasn't expecting to do it, but I finally came out to a friend from Church. He took it great. He did say he still stands to his not understanding on a primitive level, which i explained I wish i could have an awnser for you, but i can tell you i have always been this way and the primitive urge to pro-create isn't there.

I was really impressed with his reaction, and making it a non issue. He is still the same friend to me as he was 5 mins before telling him. He didn't lay any church on me about it, instead was intrigued about who i found hot, who knew, would i tell my parents, how i think they would take it etc.

He rid all the fears i had on coming out to any church friends.

I hope all my church mates will be like this.

I GOT IT!!

I got a new job!

I'll be working for the US Consulate General's Office in Melbourne*

*Pending security and medical check

Its a position as a Visa Clerk, and will be starting just after i get back from America! The good olde US of A government seems like a good employer great remuneration, both Australian and American public holidays and plenty of annual leave!

Very Excited!!

Confidence

I lack it,
I wish i didn't but its one shell im having trouble breaking!

I don't really know why. It makes me very shy in large groups of people i don't know. Even online it gets me i rarely start a conversation on face book, I start to think, there probably busy, what if they don't want to chat? Insane I know.

Even when people approach me. I have lost about 37kg in the last 18 months and, especially at church, i get complimented. As soon as they say something i say thanks, then will always say something like "Just a few more kg and ill be done" Why can't i just take a compliment and be happy? I don't know.

I think it has to do with spending most of my life, bar the last few years, hiding so much of myself. I've always tried to deflect attention on myself, in fears of being found out to be the gay kid. Tried to blend in with everyone else's views, thoughts, opinions the list could go on.

Coming out slowly but surley has helped definatly. I'm not nearly as shy as i once was, working with the public got me out of my shell quick. Following that my thoughts have been coming out too, everyone now knows the disgusting humor i have, the love for just horrible pop music.

Still though anyone complimenting me makes me uncomferatble. I just can't figure out why?? Is it from growing up as the fat kid? Being the gay closet kid growing up? Church drilling us with how horrible pride is?

And how do i break this?

I have come along way the past few years, and love where i am in life i have the greatest friends i am 99.9% myself now, and the weight on my back of hiding is gone. Just this one last shell to break.

Twenty-Five

I'm 25 years old and this is my 25th blog entry, 25 random things about me-

1- My first memory of being gay was when i was eight. I loved the movie Home Alone, I thought Macaulay Culkin was awesome. I watched that movie about 10 times on holiday and distinctively remember a dream where were were hanging out as best friends and even held hands.

2- I can recite the narration to the stretching room scene in The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.

3- In a week i have gone from knowing very little about True Blood to becoming hooked and watching season 1 and all the shown episodes of season 2. The similarities on how vampires are treated in it to the way gays are is interesting to see.

4- I have a second interview for a new job at the US Consulate this week

5- I rarely get depressed, but when i do, it hits me like a car, and sticks around for a while.

6- I wish i could dance.

7- I never realized how much i listen to Musicals until i looked at my Top 25 played songs in itunes. 15 of them are from musicals, you have to get to number 7 for the first non-musical.

8- I seem to not be able to get through a day at work without involuntarily saying "Thats what she said" to something my boss says.

9- Vegimite on toast is the greatest breakfast in the world.

10- While in the laundry with my mum, checking my pockets for rubbish i pulled out a condom wrapper. Im still hoping her eye sight is crap without her glasses.

11- After coming out to a friend a while ago my friend asked allot of questions including whether i would prefer to be "Heath" or "Jake"... I still find that the funniest/greatest way to ask such a question.

12- I haven't stopped listing to the soundtracks for West Side Story and In the Heights this week.

13- I hate Perez Hilton, but read his website. Anyone who manages to "report" and draw sperm on peoples faces brings out the 12 year old in me.

14- I have to sleep with music on. If it's silent i think and stay awake for hours.

15- I have come so far in my coming out, but when my family brings up the lack of a girlfriend i feel so uncomfortable, yet I'm too chicken shit to just tell them I'm gay, until i move out.

16- One of the best and gayest nights of my life was a Kylie Minogue Concert.

17- I have come out to almost all my non-church friends, it would have been all of them except for a lack of seeing some.

18- Channing Tatum is hot.

19- I think in a world where women and men should be equal that the word cock should be as equally offensive as cunt, for equal rights sake :-p

20- I watch too much TV. If a show I get into a show too much while watching it, i start to think i know these people.

21- Any doubts i had of being gay were obliterated when i was 16 and with Reece.

22- I enjoy exercising. Its time with me and Music my head is the clearest in these times.

23- A third of my DVD collection can be attributed to 3am trips with friends to 24 hour K-Mart.

24- My biggest flaw is my lack of confidence.

25- Im' 26 on the 22nd Nov. And will not be living at home. I kept that goal.

What to See...

I figure I would rely on stereotypes here....

Im spending a week in New york in October. I'm already seeing Mary Poppins, as I have loved the movie since I was a kid. Now my mate is meeting me and my other mate in NY and spending the rest of the trip with us.

He really wants to catch something on broadway while he's there, to say he's done it. Honestly If i was on my own i would proberly catch something every night of the week, I do love a musical. He would like to see a classic, so we might catch Phantom, which he has seen already years ago in Melbourne.

So I'm looking at what will be on and cannot decide on what to go see. So does anyone have any experience with any of the following musicals-

This was just in Melbourne, and i wasn't sure about it. I have never sat through the whole movie. But Elton John is a genius with musicals.. Just look at The Lion King

I have never seen Phantom, but Josh has. Does the NY version have the updated chandelier scene that i know Vegas has?

This is on in Melbourne at the moment, would be cheaper in NY, don't know much about it through

Wicked is Just wrapping up Melbourne and i saw it twice last year, but it is brilliant. Not sure if i can convince Josh to see it.

Chicago is just starting in Melbourne but would be better on the great white way i think. I love the movie, never seen the musical.

Ragtime, i have never heard of. It sounds like a revival and i know my mate was looking to see a classic.

Hair i know nothing about except one act ends in mass nudity :-p

West Side Story. Always been intrigued by. Never seen though, any good?

In The Heights. I know this one a tony award in the last few years. Know nothing beyond that.

South Pacific. Classic broadway i know, but i'm not too sure about it.

I know there are a few more show on Like Avenue Q, Lion King, Little Mermaid, Shrek. However i've either seen them or not interested. (I Really can't get my head around Shrek as a musical)

Even any plays out at the moment worth seeing? We were hoping "Mormon Musical" By the creators of South Park would be on but alas, no such luck

So anyone got any suggestions?

All's quiet on the Southern front.

I'm lazy. I wish i wrote on here more.

But i really can't think of anything meaningful to write about.

Life's great, My quick trip to Tokyo was amazing and should hold off the urge to go back for at least a year :-p Now all my focus is getting all the final bits in line for my USA trip in October. And on a particularly gay note, Britney is finally touring Australia and i tickets :-p

I'm moving out of home as soon as i get back from America in October with some great friends who know me for me and encourage me to be myself. I'm really looking forward to this new part of life, being more responsible and living in a place where i am fully myself.

Church over here seems allot more sedated then what i read about in America. I can only recall anything about gay marriage being brought up once at church it was in past, and it was the Bishop. And all he did was bring it up in a string of other issues in the world at this time. It's just not a topic that is brought up. I guess thats a good and bad thing, on one hand it's nice not to have to witness some of the hate filled talk i have read going on in America. But in a way it seems like it will be a ticking bomb for Australia and once it bursts I'm hopeful for a better attitude then what the US have experienced, but in ways Australia's still in the 80's/90's when it comes to Homosexuality.

I'm luck with my family though Mum always sticks up for gay rights in the most part, she has always supported her sister, who is gay. I remember Mum always saying my Aunts girlfriend was just like another siblings partner a part of the family who we loved. I'm so grateful for mum instilling this loving attitude in raising me. I have never had many of the problems others have had growing up. The extreme depression, fear, and urge to get rid of my sexuality. I honestly think my Mum is the reason for this. And for that i am so grateful to have been blessed to such an amazing mother.

Reading blogs and reading other's struggles always hurst me and makes me so sad that so many have had to go through so many trials, I never had to endure. I wish i could help them. I realize how luck i am, and need to remember this more often and not bitch about my past, where i was a lucky one, in comparison to so many.

All the blogs that I read have helped me in so many ways that i could never fully explain. looking back over the last 9 months, the growth i have seen in my life and maturity, you have all played a part in making me a better person, And i cannot thank you all enough.

I'll try to write more often, as this feeling i have now, of peace, i forgot that i get this after blogging.

Peace.

Prepare to be Freaked

This ad has been on tv allot the past couple of weeks and is freaking me out! Pretty messed up but very very clever.

I'm worried the nightmares will come soon, i live around the corner from the Cadbury Factory and have visions of hundreds of line works doing this perfectly in sync while packing chocolate

Just makes me Smile

Even if staged,

With Things like this going on it reminds me this is a pretty great world to live in-

Don't Judge a book by Its Cover...

I'm sure allot have seen this, but Wow! This was amazing.

She walked on stage and was written off and a joke on appearance alone.

Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent
Uploaded by dwarthy

Then She Sang...

I mean sure, we all do it, I'm defiantly guilty of judging on looks but this does make me think. She has such an amazing voice!